8: Do you believe things happen for a reason?

It was an experience of my own that first showed me the mirroring horses do with us. I wasn’t aware that all my learnings up to this point and to present day would turn out to be my life’s path. I am glad I was always the one asking ‘why’ ‘why is the horse bucking, running off, rearing, wont be caught’ etc… Nobody ever came back with a satisfying answer…it was always…’its bonkers’…’it needs someone more experienced’ ‘needs more work’ Im sure you have heard these sayings and more too. These responses were never enough for me to accept…who was ever talking about the guardian, the rider, the stable hand…what where they communicating sub consciously to the horse? Was the horses behaviour a reflection of the handler? I spent years trying to find these answers, the answer would come from my own experience….

 

TEAM

After the death of my mother and an attack from a patient at work I was signed off sick and I was given the label PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) I was 30 years old. Stress had been building up for quite some time with work, homelife and relationships. It wasn’t until I was pretty much ready to give up on life that I knew I had to accept help via medication and counselling. Due to the medication being highly addictive and being known for being difficult to ‘get off’ it wasn’t long before I felt my mood lift enough for me to start weening myself off them. The counselling seemed to send me into a frenzy it seemed a complete waste of time and instead of leaving consultations feeling lighter and relaxed I was leaving with anger and more stress!..

 

The horses were my driving force, I had to get up in a morning, I had to take care of them no matter how I was feeling…I threw myself even more into learning about horses…hosting workshops, organising demonstrations, concentrating on my riding, teaching, attending courses and a trip to Monty Roberts place thrown in….all this allowed me to push all my problems aside put on a front and cart on with life….It was a few years later, after the death of my dad that the ‘shit hit the fan’.. I was on the slippery slope downhill. Everything that I had pushed aside and more surfaced.

 

My horse Ellie changed my life…..

 

Her behaviour was becoming challenging. Always level headed not much phased her and a ‘go with the flow’ kind of horse. Unusually she had started rearing at me whilst I was leading her, and I was having to dodge her front feet that where hovering over me. At first I just put it down to her being a mare having an off day and then her behaviour would change again. This time she wouldn’t move, her head would be touching the ground and her expression was like ‘lights are on but nobodies home’…

 

It soon became apparent that she only displayed these behaviours with me. Having asked several different people to lead her she never did it with anyone else. ‘What was going on’? I asked myself whilst blanking out the comments like ‘that horse is bonkers,’ ‘it needs work,’ ‘its too much for you that horse, sell it’…Perhaps she was all of these a horse with lots of potential 16.1h in height and only just getting going in her education, maybe I wasn’t experienced enough?…I was beginning to doubt my abilities. Her unpredictable behaviour continued with me and then one day it finally happened….. Rope and headcollar in hand I headed off with a friend to bring the horses in. I took hold of Ellie and proceeded to leave the field. I felt a dead weight on the end of the line and looked to see her head touching the floor almost buckling front legs and the same ‘lights are on but nobodies home’ expression. Out of the blue and in a joking way my friend said’ that horse looks depressed’ ‘ Yeh she does’ I said with a chuckle and then….Boom…it hit me like a ton of bricks….., sodding hell I thought…she’s not depressed… I Am…….Ellie’s behaviour showed me the highs and lows of my illness totally mirroring my emotions….. I had to get myself right…. I needed help, but this time I was advised to try hypnotherapy… I wasn’t convinced but I agreed…. There is something quite spiritual with the work of a hypnotherapist…. that’s what I found and due to a miraculous and quick recovery I felt different to how I’d ever felt before….and no meds…This spiritual interest was popping up again and so I joined a spiritual development group. I started my Reiki training and then I was guided to learn about self hypnosis.This inspired me to train as a hypnotherapist.

 

Ellie returned to her normal self and what she taught me that day has helped me to see things differently when it comes to horse/human relationships…

 

Its ok to have shitty days…there is so much to learn about ourselves on these days…

 

I do believe things happen for a reason…